I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
