I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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