you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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