Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
