Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
it's like heaven, but drunker
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
