In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
