dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize