do herpes really smell.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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