Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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