then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
