There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
