Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
