only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
