You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Pappa wants mamma naked
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
