The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
