i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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