no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Holy sore nipples Batman
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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