I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm bleeding and have questions
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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