Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We are two peas in an std pod
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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