I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
