I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
