Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
