as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I didn't notice because vodka
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize