just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm sobbing to NWA
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
