I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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