ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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