sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
