Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
