According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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