I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
