The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
