Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
whose ass print is on the piano?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
