mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
