he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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