i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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