I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
