I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
