it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
