did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
