I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
