ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
