she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
