she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
