i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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