Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
