Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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