You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
how drunk are you?
Several
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
