did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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