it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
