life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
