u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
