OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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