my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
