dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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