Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
