oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
