god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
