Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I need to stop coming to work sober
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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