It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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