a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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