so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
