then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
