Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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