you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
