i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize