i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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