just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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